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Myself in Public

beingmankind.org

Me & My "BeYourself" Message

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Since 2011 I have a huge positive drive and enthusiastic. On random periods I can get a periods of low mood. This usual happens when negativity from society becomes a bit intense but I control the level of negativity I encounter. Thankfully I can spot it myself, put in place strategies from the Counsellor who helped me in 2011 and can bounce back quickly. I am not going back to how I was and I will not let society and individuals put me back there. It is a drive I have and will hold on to. I am a glass half full, not half empty. Every cloud has a silver lining. I do not live on the past since 2011 but can recall when I need to stand up to certain individuals. I lived on the past previously, and that was one of the root causes of my situation. Utilise the past as a positve reminder for the future only. As I have always been, my initial contact is of being friendly, open and approachable, not:

1) for pure friendship, that comes in time based upon common interests

2) or relationship, I am already happily married and very content.

Too many in society are obsessed with these two aspects or fret about and therefore prevent true human everyday open contact. However, I have been among society too long with experience and this open approach of mine is always being assesed and is withdrawn as soon as I note those who take advantage of it or disrespect it. This quote comes into play with me:

"In the end, we only regret the chances we didn't take, the relationships we were to scared to have and the decisions we took too long to make. There comes a time in your life when you realise who matters, who doesn't, who never did and who always will. So don't worry about the people from your past, there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future."

 The above two quotes came from a wall of a restaurant. The owner did not know the authors.

Over the years personal details in, personal details out about the past have been on this page. Until 8th April 2018 it was simply describing the positve me only as now as I questioned should I, shouldn't I. Bits came in and weeks later taken out. A synopsis of my past is now back in and this time feel far more positive about it being here. The development of this page and what I felt comfortable being in is all part of the continual healing process and my recent purchase of the BeingMankind book made me realise that I should be more open, men on the whole should be more open, after all women are, supportive of other females and society encourages females to be more open.

Depression and associated issues, especially by events by others at and towards you does leave you a damaged person and with permanent scars. The secret to having a proactive life that I needed to learn in 2011 for my issues was to box the past, park it and move with positivity from now, don't let the scars hinder me. The past cannot be changed, the future can and from past experience. I had to control what came in and out of my life for me not others, the exception is so long as no physical harm is done to others. All issues for people are different, rape, domestic violence, mental health etc. Although can be grouped to similar events we are all individuals. I sought professional help for mine, and perhaps easier to resolve than for others but help is out there and for men there are support charities. I list some under Men: Advocates for Male Equality.

 

I have split this page into four sections:

 

Me, my personality and character. As has always been but one that I have allowed to be the guiding factor of how my personal life is, and not as society or others demand or expect and I allowed society to dictate to me.

A brief history of my past and why I ended up with a Counsellor in 2011. This is the section that has been in and out of this page over the last few years. It doesn't cover all aspects of my life or all the negative areas. There are a few negative areas I boxed up in 2011 and are on my top shelf. Boxes I do not want to reopen and relive the political, arrogance, self centered attitude and dominance of others that caused me personal grief and affected me as a person. Updating this page as I have done during the last week of March 2018 has led to a few flash backs but now 7 years on the flash backs have produced positive determination for my future, but the lids have remained firmly on those boxes. My life as it is now is how I would like it to be, not perfect, no ones is but I am a strong character now and those areas of the past are not needed to remind me of how to be positive, glass half full and put myself along side anyone else whether they like me or not.

Conclusion

My Bowel Cancer

 

Me: My Personality and Character

My name is Jeremy Hutchinson. I live in North Yorkshire, England. I am a modern man. A man who lives in the 21st Century, and happily accepts equality but for all. A man who accepts everybody has a right to be themselves, individuals and access to all aspects of human life. I have empathy for any true discrimination for either gender even if it does not affect me directly. It does for others. Sadly within society too many are obsessed with their own discrimination, perceived or real to be concerned for others. At times they say they are but watch and observe them in actual motion.

I am a man who does not portray the stereotypical male attitude. Not ashamed to show his true personality which under human gender stereotyping touches a feminine approach at times where I show compassion, understanding, try to be helpful. I do not have this dominant male aggressiveness but thinks, respects, appreciates the quality of one selfs presentation, home etc yet remains practical and stays within the 'real world' and applies common sense to daily life not simply because it is or another says it has to be. Rules and Laws excepted! I am not effeminate, weak, but prefer a more quieter lifestyle, not this macho image, rough sports, male evenings etc and cannot abide competition. Friendly drive, aim, yes but serious competiveness, no. I am no different at all to women who these days want to look, behave and partake in stereotypical male aspects of human life. If my life style makes me become a queer or any other titles some members of society wish to label me with, then surely this applies equally to these same women. Although I will help and understand others, if I am vilified, disrespected etc then I will admit, I will stand my ground and put you on the outside of my life. Others in pursuit of their rights state it is their human right. I say we all have our human rights.

I garden for a living, not in skirts, I do all our own DIY which includes a barn renovation/conversion to be part of our house where a good 95% of the work is done by me, footings, foundations, block work, pointing underground piping, electrics, plumbing, stone work, roofs, new door/window openings, carpentry which includes hand built internal doors and door frames, fitted bedroom wardrobes etc. The only aspect I cannot do is plaster and obtain help where more than one person is required. I do bathrooms, kitchens and some of this DIY work is in skirts. I am not afraid to tackle any job on the house. I draw plans, liaise with Planning and Bulding Control. I have no interest in motor sports or cars, a car is a tool and has to be practical to be part of my life. In fact I like to consider myself self sufficient in life being reliant on the medical profession only including dentists and opticians. Lifes experience has made me like this. On the quieter side I prefer computers, gadgets, reading of good documentaries, factual books, or novels based around facts. With TV I prefer a good film and dramas that is of interest, good story line and preferably factual and good factual documentaries on Earth, Space, Science, Geology etc. I mortally hate sport and avoid all such programmes although I do acknowledge the talent of many in some sports. I like wine and beer drinking, meals in pubs/restaurants but not pub games and gossip. I enjoy theaters, classical concerts, folk concerts, but not opera singing. I prefer small mature mixed groups for good conversation not gossip or bragging rather than all male or all female which both are as bad as each other for being one sided and self opinionated. I have no time for those who live in a narrow minded world, set opinions regardless of facts or evidence with, in my view, limited conversation on only predominately one subject like, sport, cars, guns, monitoring of others lives etc. Thankfully my wife is the same, differing slightly in personal tastes of music, colour or pattern. Apparently I do not suffer fools gladly!

BBQ

All in all I'm just an ordinary human being whether I have a skirt on or not. My life's preferences are still the same with a skirt on or not! I know myself, my outer self and inner self. I don't question my sex. I know I am a 100% biological male, I just question societies gender labels. I know my preferences for life and since 2011 having taken lifes dictation & expectation simply for being a man for decades I am not ashamed to push them forward and not do and say what others consider as normal  just like everybody else does because the person next to them says its correct. My wife and I have friends who socialise with us privately and publicly, with new friendships formed since 2011 and my skirt wearing going public includes theater, concerts, restaurants, doctors, dentists, hospitals etc dressed as we prefer, just like everyone else, especially women.

 Those that cannot cope are narrow minded, selfish and yes bigots as well for they do what they criticise others. Other people for other reasons get similar indirect and direct comments and at times far worse than what I have experienced, eg differing colours, even differing religions, size, height, glasses etc. It's part of the course for being a member of a intelligent race called humans. On BBC Breakfast, 28th July, 2013, I heard an interview with a Paraolympic athlete regarding the anniversary Olympic event in London and was asked if he now received admirers after his success in 2012 whilst out in public. He said he does, but he mostly gets stares when he walks around with his artificial limb on show.

 

Yes it is difficult going against the expectations of labels and stereotypes for men within society. I needed to push this to one side and I did in 2011. In this current era when women still feel they are discriminated against, they are in certain areas of life, where media and movements give support, provide, and reasoning yet men are questioned, riddiculed, told to stand tall and be a man etc and claimed to have no life problems. Society should be more open minded and see just what a hypocritical mess it is in for both genders. I expand further in this area, see menu left hand side Men: Advocates for Male Equality.

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A brief history of my past and why I ended up with a Counsellor in 2011.

 

Throughout my life I as a man had to follow what was expected of me as a man in many aspects of life. Yes society dictates to men just as much as women. I found it restricted me, I did not aim for or achieve what I know I could have done. My school years spanned late 60's to early 80's and office work until late 90's an era where society has improved from greatly but still has some way to go with regards respect towards others.

I lived within a confined shell struggling to deal with what was expected of me by society and its labels as a man and initially as a child, listening and observing to others complain and push against restrictions placed upon them. I bounced along in life concentrating on a small private section of life. School years difficult, I did not match the ways of the many with banter, activities and hobbies. Bullying was an issue especially with regards sport and school club activities. Bullying was an aspect for others for other aspects, it was normal, part of the course. You just accepted it, lived with it. Similar at work bouncing from job to job. I always ended up on the sidelines, not the main pitch and struggled with office politics, gender battles and as with school always concerned of upsetting others because as usual the troops would rally and I would be the odd one out.

My first boss, male, was very demanding and yes now described as a bully. He didn't pick on a gender, both. He expected all to be as fast and efficient as him even new starters. Moving my next boss was female in an all female environment. Yes I was subjected to issues in such an environment as women complain about in male dominated environments. The male partners of the firm did not acknowledge and matters continued. Moving again, another male boss, again very domineering, demanding and had political ambitions within work. It did not last setting impossible deadlines and tasks. My parents questioned me and thankfully my work mate at that employment rang the evening I left to ask after me and to say it was not deserved and that allowed my parents to see differently when I asked that he spoke to them. What upset me was yet again as always it was me, my fault and the expectations of being a male to the fore. I eventually moved into Local Government administration and that lasted 2 years. Frustrated with being a general dogs body and again expectations of male that I do not have issues, feeling or emotions, could be spoken to negativily, at times humiliated, yet not so for females I once again left and became unemployed. Looking back I don't think my life experiences to that point really put me in good stead for dealing with adult life and a world of discrimination, hypocrisy and I just bounced along. Out of work hours in this period I just concentrated on walking, clocking up in excess of 1500 miles per year.

I eventually worked for a District Local Authority. Things were different and shortly thereafter I purchased my first house and shortly I met my wife to be and married 3 years later. I was soon moved from another general dogs body job to work in a section of the Finance Department by a male boss who seemed to understand me. He and I got on very well and I worked under him and his female boss for a good 10 years but it was dealing with the public, their degrading attitude that ate away at me. I still carried the scars of the past with me, my self confidence was very low. I did not partake in work social activities here and did not feel comfortable with the work banter and topics discussed. At the previous Local Government job soical activities always included night clubs, discos etc, scenes that I was not interested in, still don't, but the peer pressure, manipulation could not be resisted. However, the section I was in at the District Council were good to each other but my life experience, the lack of self confidence and general negative sentiment I held towards life was eating constantly at me. My trust in all except my immediate boss and my wife was always questioned. I was to me an odd bod in society and struggled as an individual. My out of work activities were simply walking with my wife and DIY at home. I eventually left this work on the advice of my GP I had known for years and took up the then style of counselling of the mid to late 1990's which really questioned me as to why I did not seem to be able to cope with the male expected stereotype.

To date for me, my life had been controlled and manipulated by society in a stereotype expectation of a male, yet all I saw was others getting their choice be it male via wanting and liking what was expected of males and women pushing and demanding individuality, freedom of choice and exprerssion and refusing to be bound by their stereotype expectations but not open for men. On top of this, the disrespect and manipulation of others within society that I encountered troubled me making it diificult for me to trust and accept. 

My wife knew of my sentiment of life and why I questioned situations, had a distrust of society and why I did not have a drive for myself and a belief of myself. She also knew of my clothing preference but too felt that society was just to negative and narrow minded. When I went to the then style Counsellor in the mid to late 1990's we had been married for a while and she shared my frustration of this Counselling. We both found it useless especially with the sentiment "be a man". We continued to concentrated on DIY and walking. Our socialising kept to friends and theater. I didn't really need socialising but did so for my wife and not to loose friends. We had acquired a second hand caravan and went to the Dales and Lake District but due to me we kept to ourselves and remained with our existing close friends only. After two years of leaving the District Council my wife and I decided to end town and city dwelling and went to live out in the countryside in prime walking area and started a fresh. A huge DIY project added to the change. None of our friends knew anything about this until 2011. It was pointless as when I had in the past with others who could have helped they were not bothered, general replies of, be a man, that's what is expected, get on with it as others do etc.

On relocation my wife gained work and I went self employed, gardening, but again life was dragging me inwards, I still was not me, society was restricting me yet letting others be themselves and society politics not being part of the in crowd mainly due to me not being involved with the banter, sport, pubs etc. In 2011 I had had enough. Helping out with an activity in the local community dragged me into work and community politics, an event that my self employment and life was determined to avoid but as time passes you "forget" and become involved. My world had shrunk to a point even I knew something needed to be done and just like others I had a life issue, one of many, which was too much. This local work was female dominated and I was asked to be involved due to my finance knowledge and ICT skills that I had developed. Because of my life expereince I had made my self become quite self suffcient and I was able to network including cabling and sockets, build computers to specifications, etc. My experience was not a problem, the female dominated environment was because they wanted to exclude me from activities and if they were not happy with what I did, accusations made and guess what, my story was never accepted when a woman made a statement about me. Starting small they grew in confidence and it was difficult. Eventually an accusation that I was subjecting my wife to domestic violence via the partner of a staff member. This was quickly dealt with and I have experienced other men being falsly accused by women as society is very keen to accept or justify womens misdemenaours yet condem a man with the "sisterhood" lending support. Once sorted my option was to leave but I was asked not to by the employers but then not support me when further conflicts arose - male employers! Some or one locally then tried to destroy my garden business as many clients let me know of their approach with allegations. My business started in early 2000's, and built by myself without advertising but on reputation, reliability and hard work. This put me in very good position here as they ignored and detected a sinister reason of this approach and stood by me. I did withdraw from this local work environment at the time I ended my Counselling on the strong recommendation from her that my life and health is far far more important than those who cannot respect me. I never looked backed since with my life being very full, active and 99% positive. nothings perfect especially when you are still part of a society such as we have so I control what is or is not in my life.

 

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Conclusion

In my working life until 2011 was not wasted. Life expereinces made me quite independent and not only in ICT ability. I was by 2011 a competent DIYer and really ameteur builder with only plastering under this title not done. My walking experience in Northern England very detailed and I did get a big buzz out of all three. It is this that stopped me deteriorating to levels others in society have been driven too. We have since 2011 ventured into north Wales and Scotland. Active in 4 walking clubs and 3 music societies. Dine out and attend theaters either with friends or on our own.

For years I had lived a life of depression, initially not noticing, when I did ignored it. In 2011 with this local work issue I went over the "cliff" and entered a very black and dark side of life. I sought help via GP, who put me on strong anti depressants and Counselling on 3 issues of life, one being a choice of clothing just like others were now enjoying - freedom of choice and expression. My first Counsellor was good but not trained to discuss two people as really my wife needed to be involved. My GP suggested a national charity for Counselling. These will remain nameless but one session a formal complaint lodged as the Counsellor was defending my wife and blaming me for all of the troubles and I needed to respect my wifes wishes and preferences and very clearly anti male. Even my wife was not happy and complained. Again she was female denied all the deogatory statements made at me even though my wife stated the same as myself so we never returned. My GP was digusted with this but had by then learnt of another Counsellor. This Counsellor was exceptional and I still thank her for giving me my life. This period I was in a very dark hole and gave my wife concerns when in my mutterings and ramblings, suicide was mentioned frequently. A good friend close to us was helpful along side my wife and other friends were there by telephone due to distance. It was not a good time and for 18 months our life was suspended except for my wifes work and surprisingly my self employment. For some reason which I still cannot explain to this day, my self employment I never let be affected and my clients had no inclination. My Counsellor told me this is why I had a further lower level of depression to go with regards suicide. This I found incredible as to me my life was a black hole, it was technically switched off.

In late 2011 I came out of this depression and became me, the real me. This counsellor also helped me get to grips with my lack of self confidence, a pride in myself and a belief in myself. She also showed me how to deal with soicety attitudes towards men by breaking down the issues, boxing up, parking. In 2012 my skirt wearing became known to the country locals, which as is usual very set in their ways but not when it suits themselves and this occurred in the run up to my leaving that 1 day a week job. Having started wearing skirts in public in early 2011, we avoided our immediate locality by some miles distance but I was spotted. What is the random outcome of that, bearing in mind population and area size. Was it a bad thing, actually no. I was the topic of local gossip for 7 days and it was quiute suprising how many were supportive of it and prepared to say so in public. Yes quite a few who had intereacted with me over the preceeding 10 years stopped, but many didn't and since quite a few who I had never met before pass the time of day with me now. It helped me realise very early with my recovery that we can put obsticles in our mind ourselves and yes you are not always accepted by some but others do. Also just prior to the locals discovering my skirt wearing my issues at the local employment had become embroiled in bitter back biting at this local place of work and found myself the subject of a formal complaint and all was listened to from the females yet I was constantly on the back foot even though I had evidence. Returning to my Counsellor the advice was leave. It was minimal pay, one day a week, the employers were not showing respect to me and what I was doing, not listening to facts but gossip so go. I left immediately and vowed I would never again work in or be part of an all female environment or trust society. My Counsellor agreed on the first part but not the second and gave me help. On the first part she confirmed female dominated evnvironments are as bad as male ones and both should be banned.

My Wife and I - Friends WeddingI did not look backfrom this point in time and the anti despressants dropped by gradual process. My life blossomed under the Cousellors 18 month guidance over 2011 and 2012. We even have holidays, joined walking clubs, music associations and dine out much more than we use to. It was interesting to note those who showed concern and those that did not when my serious depression was mentioned during this period of a state of black abyss.

Two sets of casual friends, for me personally acquaintences, have dropped "off" our soical list after 2012. They make the odd contact via email but we, well I, certainly do not encourage it and the odd time in company with them I just go through the motions. Direct contact since 2012 is rare and certainly getting wider. They were not there at the time, had the most concern about my appearance but for the two females in the relationship they needed to look at themselves, in fact my wife told one of them that to her face. Both couples were full of their own importance and recommended "advice". With regards family, two small areas on both sides had an issue in 2011. On my side it is not an issue as time passes, sadly the small area on my wifes side still remains but not for the women who embrace their modern appearance. Otherwise families have been very good and meet up as families do. The small area within my wifes side that remains I have no contact with, my wife occassionally but they are not fundemental to my lifes existance and fall firmly within my control of negativity within my life.

In 2016 my wife and I took up National Volunteering and yes it is within the volunteering side, female dominated. This role is covered on a separate page on this site and worth a read. I engaged in it because of the welcoming atmosphere I received and the female line manger for volunteerts gave me very reassuring comments about behavior expectations, inclusion and diversity without me asking and it was an activity we said we would do once retired. I have no regrets on this role but yes, as should be expected within a group of humans one or two were very negative towards me. Many not, both male and female, but I am a quick learner, good memory retention and can recall events from the past. As I learnt the Halls history very quickly, like in weeks, and could quote all sorts without running to the female lead volunteers for assistance, this did not go well. I found the odd challenge and nit picking. As no experience volunteer offered to head up the new day for 2017 I did and that was not well recieved by some and office politics abound. Unlike my past, management stepped in even after issues that arose on my first day of team leader. Every now and then, just as you would expect in human nature, in a group of people one or two would try to make issues by muttering or challenging me in the early part of 2017 but I made the new team very successful in size, connectivity within the team and it was a success. I moved to head up the next new for 2018 and as from the page on this site on my volunteer role, the team from 2017 followed me and as 2018 progressed my team increased in size and within weeks it was standing on its own and new members gelling and the whole team working hand in glove. As with 2017, it is a pleasure to head and be part of this team that work together, support each other and provide a service to the public. The team is mixed age group, mixed sex but more female than male. I had much appreciation from management and from both male and female staff. In late March and early April of 2018, from a few volunteers, challenges to me took place. I stood my ground, spoke my mind and had the support of management, my team and others from the Hall both male and female. It is the only time and place in my entire life that male and females do and can work and support each other. I know it goes on else where from readings, but this for me was real and tangible and I found my female line manager although remaining neutral, listened and acted on fact and evidence, as to my male general manger and female portfolio manager. Although at times events can trigger past memories and at times issues by these few volunteers at the NT do wobble me it has given me renewed strength and a belief in my self and purpose to enhance that I picked up in 2011/2012. I did over 2016 to 2018 need to recall what my Counsellor advised back in 2011 and 2012 but unlike in previous years prior to 2011 I have not lost my drive, determination to be and remain an individual, me, and BeYourself.

Humans are humans and human nature will always show power, dominance, aggresion towards others that an individual or group do not like about another individual or group. I have found the strength to cope with it and allow myself to be me and have views, opinions and to be an individual yet a respecting individual towards others ignoring those or standing up to those that cannot respect. I do not find it easy and I do carry scars of the past but I do not dwell on the past and I do not let society dictate to me what they want of me, what they want me to think, or what they want me to say noting the rules of society. I as an individual may not have been subject to sexual abuse, male rape, domestic violence, stalked etc but I have been the subject of societies emotional abuse, been affected psychologically and had my life suppressed due to others and societies hypocritical expectations. I often read of other mens lives plighted by others expectations, but I have also met some in actual real life. At the end of the day we are no different to the affected men of sexual assualt, male rape, domestic violence, stalked etc.

It is often said what we would do if we had our life again. I am basically happy with my life style. What I would change is that I would be me from the start and not let society manipulate my life when it doesn't for others. Remaining positive and focused does help and in many aspects of life. Life can be cruel with the card it deals us and we can often think if only, what if etc. It is important that that we remember that we may have to deal with the cards of life given to us but it is how we deal with them that can define us or the actual outcome. For more serious issues there is professional support via many charities, some of which I do list on this site under Men: Avocates for Male Equality.

 

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Bowel Cancer

In Oct 2016 I was diagnosed with Bowel Cancer. No symptoms except one week before seeing the Doctor my stools went loose and the weekend of seeing the Doctor violently sick. The news knocked me back and for 4 days the positive and proactive person I had become went and I became bitter, questioned and negative. Why me? I was very fit, healthy, never smoked, alcohol minimal. Then I managed to take stock of the situation and the positive and proactive person returned. This was just another card of life dealt to me and at the time I may not be able to cure the cancer but I certainly could provide myself and my wife positive mental attitude now. The Polyp was very large and very cancerous to the Bowel Wall but thankfully not spread. All tests and scans confirmed this but left a question mark - had a cell embedded into the wall not detected. I choose surgery cut out that part of the bowel and no chemo. The removed section was confirmed clear but until removed that one cell was always probable. It has been suggested that my positive mental attitude allowed the body to internally fight the cancer as a very cancerous Polyp touching the Bowel Wall should have left something on the wall even if not spread. Six weeks after diagnosed the surgery was done, 4 months less 2 days after surgery I climbed Mount Snowdon, a 10 mile walk, 1085 meters asl and the 2nd highest mountain in the British Isles with a shared 8 hour return day car journey - with the blessing of my Consultant. I think I could have done it 4 weeks earlier but my Consultant knew I would recovery quickly but felt 3 months was pushing it. Early month 3 after surgery, I had climbed a grass fell with about 1000ft of climbing which I did not mention but my then fitness level gave me confidence. I did it again later in month 3. Throughout those 6 weeks pre surgery I was bright, cheerful and positive, staff were remarking it is rare to be seen with patients, especially men but such an attitude helps with recovery if a recovery is possible. My recovery post surgery was sheer determination that my life would come back noting that I had had major surgery and healing even within a positive atmosphere takes time.

That incident provided me with another life learning lesson and any problem should be tackled full on with drive and positivity. Yes one day a situation may come my way that has a different outcome but there is nothing anyone can do with that but you can still control your life and how you tackle a problem. Life isn't perfect for anyone, especially those that claim it is. It is hard and at the end of the day it is only yourself that can succeed for you, others can only help.

 

I am an individual, like we all are, but unlike many, I am an individual, not a 'Lemming'. 

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My Wife  I Hampton Court 02

 

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